Chapter 31 Alongside Someone with Bipolar Disorder
For a long time, I tried to understand Marco’s suffering through the language I knew best: identify a problem, look for its cause, and work toward a solution. But mental suffering is not a machine that can be repaired if only you search for the fault long enough. As a father, I wanted to find a key. Sometimes I thought that rest, a new project, or the closeness of family might be that key. Looking back, I know how little we then understood about what bipolar disorder can do to a person’s inner world. That realization is painful. It does not make my love smaller, but it does make it humbler.
I am not a doctor, and this book cannot provide a diagnosis or treatment. I write as a father who wanted, after the fact, to understand better what his son was going through. Bipolar disorder is also not the same as ordinary mood swings. It can involve periods of depression alternating with periods of mania or hypomania, during which energy, sleep, thoughts, speech, and decisions, among other things, may change significantly. Not everyone shows the same signs, and only a qualified professional can assess what is happening.
For family and friends, helping often begins with paying attention to change. Is the person sleeping much less than usual, speaking unusually fast, making impulsive plans, or instead seeming hopeless, exhausted, and withdrawn? One sign proves nothing. A pattern that changes everyday functioning does, however, warrant a calm conversation and professional assessment. Do not judge the person’s character; describe what you can actually observe.
Listening is different from offering solutions straight away. A sentence such as “I can see you are having a difficult time, and I want to understand what is happening” opens more doors than “You just need to think positively.” Feelings do not have to seem logical to be real. Stay calm, ask simple questions, and make it clear that seeking help is not a failure. Do not promise secrecy when someone’s safety may be at risk.
During a stable period, a personal warning-sign or crisis plan can be made together with the person concerned and their healthcare professional. What early signs signal that a difficult phase is approaching? What events increase the strain? Who can be called? What treatment and daily habits help? Such a plan does not take the illness away, but it prevents everyone from having to work out what to do only once a crisis is under way.
Loved ones can stay close without taking on the role of doctor or therapist. Love sometimes requires boundaries as well: dangerous behaviour, financial recklessness, or hurtful outbursts do not have to be accepted in silence. It is possible to support someone while also seeking outside help. The partner, parent, brother, sister, or friend also needs rest, information, and sometimes support of their own.
When someone says that life has become too heavy, talks about death, or seems to be saying goodbye, those words deserve calm and sincere attention. The simple question “Are you thinking about suicide?” does not plant the idea; it can create space to talk. Listen without judgement. If there is immediate danger, stay with the person and seek help at once.
Where to find help
You do not have to carry this alone. A doctor or helpline can be a first step.
In an immediate or life-threatening emergency: 112.
For the doctor on call in Belgium: 1733.
In Dutch, helpline 1813 is free, anonymous and available by phone 24 hours a day — www.zelfmoord1813.be.
In French, 0800 32 123 is free, anonymous and available 24/7.
Information verified in September 2026.
As I write this now, I wish I could sit beside him one more time without immediately looking for a solution. Just say, “You do not need to protect me. Tell me what this day is doing to you.” No sentence offers certainty, but closeness begins where judgement ends. Anyone living alongside someone in mental distress must know that love is no substitute for treatment - and that it nevertheless remains vitally important.